I’m at a weird growth place in my business... I have not accepted where I am in my business or my success. I am stuck in the place where I nickel and dime, do things with a discount because I think I have to, cut corners and not do things officially because this is how I hustled in my business for so long.
Today I had a speaking engagement in New York City. I live in Baltimore and I freely take vending and speaking engagements in New York. I woke up this morning feeling like I didn’t want to go. I just went to the Jay and Bey concert, I was tired and have a lot of personal home issues I need tending to.
But in typical hustle mode, I got up. I woke after only 4 hours of sleep and got ready for the bus. I had to stop at my shop because I also agreed to vend at this event
. I got a big bag of merch, a hang rack, my travel bag with my clothes, a book bag and a mannequin for my set up. I got into an Uber to arrive at the bus for 7am. Unfortunately as I arrived, the bus was pulling out to leave. I jumped back into the Uber and went across town to another bus to be told it was sold out. I was speaking on a panel and I felt I was obligated to be there (not contractually but morally for myself). I hopped back in the Uber for the 3rd time and any smart person would take this as a sign to go home and just call it quits. But I took it as a sign to go harder and fulfill my obligation.
I took the 8am bus, lugging 3 bags and a hang rack and my signage and a mannequin. As soon as I arrived in New York my first thoughts was “why am I here?” I’m tired. I’ve been going at it since Essence Fest and other big events... why REALLY are you here? I had no real excuse to my self of my I am not being kind to myself. Why I am not listening to my body and resting as needed. I’m so caught in a hustlers mentality and I have a staff and I say out loud I transitioned my hustle to a business, but mentally I haven’t.
I made a new friend today and he asked, “are you comfortable with your success?” And the answer is No, it scares me. I am not afraid of not being successful, I am afraid of my success. It terrifies me to know all the things I dreamed of are here. I function like a person who doesn’t have much, because it’s what I know.
I went to the event... fulfilled my “obligations” and I am now heading home. I canceled dinner plans, purchased a new bus ticket and I decided to leave New York City. I am meeting with my assistant and marketing team on Monday and I want to reevaluate my schedule. I no longer have to do “everything” that falls in my lap. I don’t have to break my neck and be everywhere because I need to be seen and I need people to know about my business. They know, they’ve heard of me and if they don’t... they will.
I look silly walking with a rack and 4 bags (and I left my damn banner in the Uber). I’m not being kind to myself and I’m exhausting the use of my energy in the wrong places. I could of been more productive from bed today.
As you become more successful, you have to shift too. Not just your business, but your mentality.
Today I had a speaking engagement in New York City. I live in Baltimore and I freely take vending and speaking engagements in New York. I woke up this morning feeling like I didn’t want to go. I just went to the Jay and Bey concert, I was tired and have a lot of personal home issues I need tending to.
But in typical hustle mode, I got up. I woke after only 4 hours of sleep and got ready for the bus. I had to stop at my shop because I also agreed to vend at this event
. I got a big bag of merch, a hang rack, my travel bag with my clothes, a book bag and a mannequin for my set up. I got into an Uber to arrive at the bus for 7am. Unfortunately as I arrived, the bus was pulling out to leave. I jumped back into the Uber and went across town to another bus to be told it was sold out. I was speaking on a panel and I felt I was obligated to be there (not contractually but morally for myself). I hopped back in the Uber for the 3rd time and any smart person would take this as a sign to go home and just call it quits. But I took it as a sign to go harder and fulfill my obligation.I took the 8am bus, lugging 3 bags and a hang rack and my signage and a mannequin. As soon as I arrived in New York my first thoughts was “why am I here?” I’m tired. I’ve been going at it since Essence Fest and other big events... why REALLY are you here? I had no real excuse to my self of my I am not being kind to myself. Why I am not listening to my body and resting as needed. I’m so caught in a hustlers mentality and I have a staff and I say out loud I transitioned my hustle to a business, but mentally I haven’t.
I made a new friend today and he asked, “are you comfortable with your success?” And the answer is No, it scares me. I am not afraid of not being successful, I am afraid of my success. It terrifies me to know all the things I dreamed of are here. I function like a person who doesn’t have much, because it’s what I know.
I went to the event... fulfilled my “obligations” and I am now heading home. I canceled dinner plans, purchased a new bus ticket and I decided to leave New York City. I am meeting with my assistant and marketing team on Monday and I want to reevaluate my schedule. I no longer have to do “everything” that falls in my lap. I don’t have to break my neck and be everywhere because I need to be seen and I need people to know about my business. They know, they’ve heard of me and if they don’t... they will.
I look silly walking with a rack and 4 bags (and I left my damn banner in the Uber). I’m not being kind to myself and I’m exhausting the use of my energy in the wrong places. I could of been more productive from bed today.
As you become more successful, you have to shift too. Not just your business, but your mentality.
Eileen
August 01, 2018
Thanks for your transparancy. I initatied the start of my business but I have not move forward at all. I follow you on IG but you have been very inspiring and such a motivator. To read about someone who is a business owner but can admit I still have things a struggle with or want to be better at just goes to show that we all have to take a step back and re-evaluate what we need to do to be better so that everything around us runs better. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to meeting you soon. I going to download the e-book for starting a t-shirt company for under $500. I haven’t started just because I do not know where to begin. I’m unsure if I should use a company to print my shirts/ideas/designs or if I should buy my own print machine. It’s hard trying to start and you do not know where to begin.
- E