New beginnings, happier endings.

I’ve been saying forever now that I would start blogging to document my entrepreneur journey. TADAY is that day. I’m ready. I wasn’t sure if I would document some of this because it’s not pleasant, it’s not fun, it’s not part of the pretty picture that entrepreneurs want to paint. It’s the unfiltered pic with the weird face in your phone that you want to delete and never want the world to see.

 

I’m not sure when I got HERE... but maybe things have been getting to this place for some time now and I didn’t even see it hitting me, until BAM!, life slaps you in the face. In the last 2 months, I lost my immediate staff for my small business, forced to move and relocate my home and my son might be failing kindergarten. Bruh, how did we get HERE? You know the part that hurts the most is my son not doing well in school, that part hurts. And as I sit here and he’s engulfed in bullshit on YouTube, it makes sense how I got HERE.

2019 started and I was recovering from a bad breakup. Life. I decided to pay attention to me and be committed to my health. So I didn’t focus on just getting this waist snatched, but my mental health was important as well.

Post the robbery, I was having terrible anxiety and just not in a great mental space. Hence my On my way! to therapy, brb MESSage. I started going to therapy at least 2x’s a month and it has been helpful. Paired with working out and running, I became a new person! I haven’t felt mentally stronger. But then shit around me started to crumble.

I moved into a home in September 2018. I saw a house for sale, knocked on the door, the owner happened to be home and I handed over a duffle bag (put your shit in your bag and just go) and said I wanted to live here, and they said YES. It was contingent on me finalizing all the paper work and officially buying the home in 1 year. I moved into a beautiful pre-1950’s 3600 sqft home. I was in love and needed this home to transition. My single mother self really didn’t need this BIG of a home but like my Jamaican grandmother always said, my eyes are bigger than my stomach and it was a LOT to swallow (pause).

 

I was hypnotized by the big back yard, the 3 stories, the beautiful walk-in closet and the unique architecture of the home. The back story is I lived in a beautiful row home in Baltimore for 5 years in a neighborhood that was infested with drugs. I mean infested! Someone was killed in my back yard and they sold drugs a couple feet away from my stoop. My son wasn’t able to play outside with fears of a shoot out or a drug transaction gone bad. Plus I was growing a business and we would get hundreds of big boxes delivered so I figured it was only due time that the local drug dealers would think I was importing keys and run in my home and rob me. I had to move.

The neighborhood was DISGUSTING! It got worse over the years. Rodents, drugs and neighbors who just didn’t give a fuck. It started to fuck with my creativity. I didn’t want to be home. I couldn’t think much or less work. Being an entrepreneur (who don’t have all my shit together) restricted me from having all the appropriate documents to move freely. I felt stuck. Where was I going to go?

I drove around a neighborhood in Baltimore that was quiet and the total opposite of where I was currently living and created the opportunity I desperately needed. In the last 9 months, I worked my tail off. When I tell you worked, I worked. I did the work! I worked so hard that I was home only a couple weekends out of the 9 months I lived here. I didn’t even enjoy the home.

Then it happened. My son broke his leg, my employees quit and I was drowning financially. All of that hit me like a ton of bricks. I took on so much responsibility in such a short period of time and I was feeling the burn. I went back to doing all the orders by myself with no help.

It ultimately led to shutting down my business temporarily (you probably didn’t even notice) and now moving out the home into a smaller, MUCH SMALLER townhouse in the same neighborhood. I was a bit crushed and still trying to figure out how I got HERE. As entrepreneurs it’s not easy trying to create and SUSTAIN a living. I have no magical paycheck that appears biweekly even if I don’t work. So today, as I am stronger, wiser and adapting, I realize the blessings that I’ve received in the last 2 months. I needed new staff. I need a smaller space. I need to focus on my son and his education. I need to get financially stable. I need to continue to take care of me. And lastly, I need not to be ashamed of my journey. This life and it’s yours. It’s not a pretty picture for social media. This is the messy middle no one tells you about. Don’t let the hype of the noise prevent you from hearing the lessons in life you really need to hear.

As I embark on a new journey and fit all of my belongings into a home half the size, I am reminded that I am an amazingly, strong, bad ass, and I bend but won’t break. New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings... but in reality, I am right where I am supposed to be.

21 comments

Such a great post, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing your journey with us, the bad and the hard parts included. This is what real life looks like.

Renee Ingram June 03, 2019

Talk about having a lot going on! Congrats on the new home. Use the kindergarten issue as a learning experience moving forward and relax, relate, and release.

Mysteryuz June 03, 2019

Thank you for sharing! You’re absolutely right no one understands the back story of a successful business which is a daily struggle. Plus when you are so focused on the success of your career somehow self-care gets lost.

S. Alexis June 03, 2019

Wow! We’re still rooting for ya! What a impactful story. You’re an inspiration and your ability to-be transparent is a gift. Im glad you were Honest with yourself about being in over your head. Keep going & I’m praying for you! Sometimes bad times are a gift to making room for bigger blessings . We’re watching and listening. Praying too! #squadgoals

Monesia June 03, 2019

I’m probably a bit older than most of the women on here but I want to encourage you and tell you that it will get better. In my 50+ years on earth, I know that black women are the strongest and most resilient women I’ve ever met, that being said it can keep us from our healing when we hide our pain. I’ve also found so much strength in leaning on my true friends when I am not able to figure things out. It takes a village is a true statement. I have a son who has ADD and in Kindergarten they told me he was failing, although he was gifted. He is 15 now and he still struggles sometimes in this antiquated educational system but he is a genius. He is smart as a whip and the most prolific writer his teachers have seen in 10 years. No one can see who your son will become. I know God has a plan for him. Continue to love him and be the great mother you are and his gifts will emerge and evolve under your love and guidance. I love your products. They speak to me. Continue to use your wonderful talents to bless the world. Sending you a virtual hug my sister.

Franka Baly June 03, 2019

I sent the email before reading this and I reiterate ALL that was said in email plus remember to chill, breathe, laugh, and state you’re a bad ass!

Shaniqua June 03, 2019

I love your authenticity, Period; NEVER lose that! You always find a creative way to share your journey not even knowing how many of us entrepreneurs/mothers such as yourself, you are inspiring! Keep being UNAPOLOGETICALLY BOLD, BRAVE & RESILIENT Queen!

Lavita June 03, 2019

Wow! What a powerful story. You’re an inspiration and your act of self reflection is a gift. Im glad you were able to pull back & rejuvenate. Keep going & praying your gift is making room & God is listening.

LinB June 03, 2019

In my mind you are my Warrior Sister! Onward and upward, you are destined for greatness,

Paris Lipsey-Coley June 03, 2019

You are so amazing and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing this portion of your life with us.

Monique June 03, 2019

. I’m glad you had the courage to evaluate and do what feels right for you and your family. You will keep rising! But, you already know this! 😊

Aisha Murray June 03, 2019

Thank you for your transparency. Your candor and honesty just helped someone that you probably haven’t met yet! Remember without the test, there would be no testimony! Good luck and good vibes for you, your son and your business as you go through this transition period. Remain unapologetically you and all will work itself out because as you beautifully stated, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Kimberly June 02, 2019

Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️ This post was honest and very inspiring.

Sheila June 02, 2019

You are a “Warrior Princess”..walk it, talk it, be it"… continued blessings to you on your journey Soror 💙

C. Bennett June 01, 2019

Always an inspiration!

Tracea J June 01, 2019

Seven times fall, get up eight. Don’t let the bumps in the road deter you. This part of the journey might mean you have to slow it down just a little in order for you to smell the roses with your baby because the moments go so fast. Remember that the race is not for the swift but for who can endure it…You are a badass and don’t ever forget it! In the meantime….I’m about to go see what’s new on the site so I can order my Summer “mess”
#Walkinfaith

Antoinette June 01, 2019

You may or may not ever see this comment but I found your brand last year after someone purchased me something as a gift. I went on to fall in love with everything. Started to buy gifts for people to share the MESSage. What I loved was someone my age had the courage to do and continue something I wanted to do for the last 10 years but lacked the courage to do so. So, on today, as I’m reading this I still admire your courage, unwillingness to give up, and your transparency. Onward & upward from here. I am proud to watch you transition over the last year & looking forward to seeing what the future holds for you. “The MESSage Continues”

AJay June 01, 2019

Thank you for sharing your truth.
I’m praying for your success, health and happiness!
I have two of your shirts and will be ordering more!!!
Love + Light ✨💕

Cocoa June 01, 2019

Homegirl, you are so brave for talking about what most of us gloss over – our failures. And yet failure is essential to growth! Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of your journey. Wishing you nothing but success, happiness, and peace – one sister to another.

A. Patrick June 01, 2019

Onward and upward. Sometimes the road to peace is not a straight line, but twists, u-turns, stop signs, and speed traps. You are doing the best you can with your family, and you’re a great mom!

Robyn Hawkins June 01, 2019

This message is so inspiring for others to hear and don’t have the courage to voice for themselves. You give others hope. Keep on your journey and with every step you take put God 1st.

Cynthia June 01, 2019

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